What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
