Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
