Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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