So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
