yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
