thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
