Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
