Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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