He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Houston, we have a squirter
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
