If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
