now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You left your phone here
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