I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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