Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
