so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
