the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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