Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
