Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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