your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
