So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
