I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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