There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize