I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
