What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize