well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize