my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
