You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
