you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
