$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
