i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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