but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
