a queef is a wish your heart makes.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
