I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize