If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
