he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
