May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize