Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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