whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
