we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
