I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
