my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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