I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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