Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
