there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
