And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
