It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
