I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
