Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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