I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm having to shit out rocks
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