I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
