Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
