I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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