you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How does one acquire holy water?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
