you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Alive.
So much puke
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
