I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
