they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
