Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
