Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
