I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
