the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
