Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
