Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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