I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just invented taco cereal.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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