no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize