I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
