Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
