I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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