Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
