god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
