Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
