p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
