the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
