i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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