There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize