i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
