goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
